"I am Sahar" - The call from her grave

Hello All!

I am Sahar…

The one you heard of, in the newspaper

three, two

Oh I forget

2 weeks ago..

So fool of me..

There is no calendar in the grave…

So meet me…

I am Sahar…

The 6 year old girl…

abducted, molested, tortured and killed…

thrown in the garbage…

I am Sahar…

Mommy's little princess…

Daddy's favourite…

My home was small…

yet cozy…

It had a garden…

and a rose plant too…

I loved roses…

They smell pretty good…

On Eid day I got dressed in my light blue outfit..

Mommy brought me Mehndi and bangles too…

She put the mehndi on my hands…

Putting all the bangles one by one…

loving and hugging me…

saying that I look so beautiful…

On Eid day,

Dad asked me to pose in front of my favourite rose plant…

He snapped my photo…

He don't know how to capture photo…

You know why?

because he clicked the shot and i dint say cheese

and looking at my lil bro…

I never knew that photo will go viral on net…

after my death..

I am Sahar…

the same you stand for….

one day I was playing outside…

They came…

The cruel strangers…

They put their hands on my mouth

to keep me silent..

I shouted…

I resisted …

calling for my mom…

I yelled for help..

I shouted for my father…

They took me away...

It was cold there…

My knees were hurt…

My small tender hands were frozen…

pushing them away but they were powerful...

Their grip was so tight…

hurting me and I was unable to move…

No one was listening to me in this big world…

I was thrown in front of wild beasts..

They were not human…

They slit my throat

and tears flew from my eyes…

I couldn't see anything….

Everything went pitch dark…

When I woke up I was in a garbage tub…

my tears..

The blood from my throat were dried up…

My injured knees and slaughtered neck were not hurting…

I was light yet frightened…

Looking my way to home…

when they found me…

It was police and my parents…

a crowd wanting to know what happened?

They were all saying" She is dead."

Were they talking about me?

No I am not dead…

They have found me and now I will go to mommy…

I will eat the delicious food she cooked..

and will sleep in her lap..

I will complain to my dad what they have done to me?

I am not dead..

But they are right..

They just buried me ...

six feet below the ground..

I can hear my parent's crying…

I can sense my brother's loneliness…

Yes, I am sahar…

The one lying in the cold graveyard..

in the chilling weather…

all alone…

seen her Eid Photo in the newspaper…

It was a good photo…

I am asking the question" What was my crime?"

I am finding myself ignorant of my sins…

I am Sahar..

Get me Justice…

Answer my question…

I am sahar…

Believing that I am dead now…

Sahar and her favourite Rose plant.

The dead flower of Love

Feeling Nothing…

Nothing at all…

I am blank and so broken…

holding the pieces of my heart…

I wonder what will I do with them?

I feel suffocated…

A story…

Thousands of words…

those emotions and 

all my resentments are untold…

My heart filled with love 

is now occupied…

occupied with pain and fear…

I know fear and love 

can't live together…

There was a flower in my heart…

The beautiful flower of love…

It blossomed day by day…

Its fragrance was enchanting…

I saw that flower drying up..

I saw the fading of its colours…

I saw it dying bit by bit

and day by day...

and one day it dried forever…

A pain resides deep in to my soul…

Mourning the death of the flower of Love...

I can feel nothing now..

the heart is beating 

but its lifeless for sure…

I am smiling for the world…

but deep inside..

my heart, my soul and my existence

are dissolved in silence…

They are mummified…

They are feeling nothing…

The constant pain resides forever…

in each breath…each heart beat…

Trapped

It seems like 

I am trapped…

among four walls…

among people who don't understand me…

I feel like alien…

Alien with strange thoughts

and I feel very suffocated..

I feel my heart clinched…

I remember the old days…

when I was free…

surrounded by friends and loved ones….

the days were joyful…

the nights were peaceful…

being loved and cherished….

I was happy…

Now I am injured…

like a injured bird…

very thirsty and hungry…

A bird trying to fly..

but  can't …

Her wings are broken

and her urge is cut down….

I see all the roads block…

no where to go…

no one to meet…

empty rooms and buildings….

The leaves are blowing with wind…

they are dry and below my feet….

asking for death…

I see some people…

they are deaf and blind towards me…

I can speak to them…

but they are not hearing me….

my heart bleeds and its dying…

I am all alone in this big world…

no way to escape…

no place to hide…

I am bird trapped in a cage….

seeing strangers…

Trapped away I am….

Missing my Nest…

Don't know where it is….

Don't know where it is…

Like they have never knew me

I am scared...

I want to scream 

but can't…

I want to cry but can't….

I want to go away but can't …

My heart is grasped …

it feels like its held in jar..

the air tight one …

I am cornered…

my hair locks are waving in the air…

They ask me " Are they free to wave?"

"Are they free to meet the air?"..

I look at them having no answer…

my existence is caught in a well..

I am horrified…

My heart is beating

but not living….

I feel lost and scattered…

broken away in pieces…

I forgot to smile…

My lips are ignorant to them now…

I can feel my breath..

they come to me in intervals…

There is a heavy thing on my chest..

I can't lift it anymore…

When I pass among graves…

I am attracted to them…

I praise the peace the dead have…

how peaceful they are Saima!

They have no heart to break…

They have nothing to expect…

lets die…

I am scared…

Lets die..

I am done…

Lets die…

Let them miss us

who took us for granted..

I am trying and trying

to hide …

my smiles becomes transparent 

they can't hide me anymore…

I am sacred…

They will see and then throw me away…

like they have never knew me…

like they have never knew me...

Love is a drug...

Love is a drug..

indeed a dangerous one with no cure…

Love is addictive ..

It flows in your blood…

every breath scented with its fragrance…

Love is sacrifice…

Love is toxic…

Love gives life 

and snatches it too..

Love is non curable…

Love is addiction…

It makes you so desperate…

wanting to see the sight of your beloved..

to hear their voice, to see them smile and 

Talk..

again and again and thousand times…

Love brings those tears in your eyes..

when they take his name…

Love makes you keen and curious 

to know him more and more…

about their days and nights...

Love makes you tender…

It swallows the pride and the ego..

and you loss for them..

to make them happy and content…

Love gives strength but its a weakness too…

This Love lives in my heart….

deep and so deep inside..

fasten to strings of my existence….

I bear, I crawl, I sleep, I cry, I miss

I laugh and I love..

I LOVE HIM and forever...

To make you Happy...

To Make you Happy I Talk..
But if it makes you unhappy…
I won't talk..
I will seal my lips and keep silence…
If my silence can make you happy..
I can remain silent forever…
Your happiness is all I want…
even if its on the cost of my voice…

I can't pretend !!!

When I look at the world I see lots of people who have two faces. They hate but they show that they love. They are haters in the cloths of lovers. Disguise at its best. They show their face which is acceptable to the world. That type of people are very desperate to fit in to this world who won't ask your name if you don't have a cent in your pockets. The world is cruel and full of colours. Colors of violence and love in between, the angels and evils living all together. Fortunately their is no mark of what people's thinking and their hearts on thier foreheads else the two faced people would be killed long ago.

I am amazed and so astonished that how can a person hide his feeling and pretend to be something that he is not?. Don't he feel suffocated? Don't he feel buried under the burden of fake off feelings? 

Off course they are under burden. They are over loaded with people's expectations and desires, likes and dislikes. 

To show the world how you feel really requires courage. They may call you blunt, rigid, uncivilised and undiplomatic, a social nerd but at the end of the day when you sleep you will feel happy of expressing yourself. 

I believe crying for real is much better from fake laughter. In the same way honest hatred is far better then pretended love. 

I love to follow my heart. I cry and cry deeper when I need to cleanse myself. I laugh and laugh when I want to celebrate the blessings I am granted. I always try to show what I feel? 

When I say " I love you" it surely means that I said with every ounce of courage I had and with all my heart. When I say " I like you" it definitely means I do like you with all my soul and sights. 

When I am distant, when you don't hear me it probably means that I had left you or may be you had left me earlier. I dint pretend… I dint Pretend...