In the silent moments of night

In the silent moments of night …

When everyone's asleep…

When the chilling winds are on their peak…

When the moon shines so dim…

it hides the tears of night's friends…

This is the moment of vulnerability…

I close my eyes…

My body rests in my cozy bed…

and I feel no one but just you...

I think of me, you and us..

I think of that child who has yet to come in this world….

I can see his black dark hair…

Those sparkling big black eyes…

His apple like cheeks…

and those smiling lips…

I imagine my dreams turning into realities…

I imagine you and me together…

I imagine if you were with me..

This life would be much beautiful and Complete…

In the silent moments of night….

I take myself to you…

My body is left alone but not my soul…

It meets you across the seven seas…

Holding you close to me…

Never letting you go ever…

In the silent moments of night…

I feel your soul…

I dive in to my fantasy world…

Surrounding myself with you…

I picture a beautiful future….

A car, a beautiful home and those children…

our success and that dream like life…

In the silent moments of night 

I ask my fate…

Can we meet ever?

I cry and ask

Can I ever touch you again?

Will my eyes ever see your beautiful face?

In the silent moments of night…

I feel drunken and living a dream...

I assure myself …

I will meet you one day…

In the silent moments of night….

I urge 

 I will see you again one day

"Some where between right and the wrong

There is a garden 

I will meet you there

I will meet you there."

It's decided it's my verdict

So it's decided

I am cutting you out of my life..

Out of this heart...

Talking  back my love...

The affection and my pampering..

You are not the one...

You don't understand me...

You have broke , yes broke all of your promises...

You have revenge me ...

You have done all which I don't like...

So it's decided...

It's final...

It's my verdict .

To let you go ...

To say you good bye ...

You are not that one...

You are not the one i loved...

You are not the one i trusted...

You have made me cry again and again ...

So it's decided..

I am closing the doors of my heart..

I am shutting down all its windows...

This will kill me i know ...

It will finish me i admit my dear....

Its like killing myself i realise...

But I have to do it...

I know i can't escape this pain ...

I will pray for my death ...

Or for a new spirit to relive my life ....

I will pray to forget you forever..

I will tell my heart that it was a dream..

That you were alone , you are alone and may be.. May be you will be alone forever and ever...

So it's decided..

It's final...

It's my verdict...

To cut you out of my life..

My memories, my heart, my soul and love ...

I say good bye... 

Just good bye...

Never come to me again...

I am no more ...

I am not alive to love you again...

Just let me go..

Forget me..

So it's decided...

It's decided ....

I can't share

I can't share you….

Take my life…

My beauty…

My happiness…

My Peace….

My Intelligence…

My grace….

My world…

Give me pain…

Give me cries…

Give me loneliness…

Give me hell…

Kill me with hunger and cold…

Punish me and burn me in to ashes…

but don't give your attention to any other….

I can't share you…

I can't share your fragrance…

I can't share your glance…

I can't share your attention…

You are funny but I can't share your jokes…

I don't like your name called by them….

I want to hide you from the world…

and just keep you to myself…

and if you are shared…

I will go away…

in the skies…

some far off place…

beyond the univserse..

for you, to never find me again…

I can't share …

You are mine...

Last priority

I know who I am...

I know where I stand ..

I am the "last priority"...

The last in their to-do list..

They can meet me or not..

They can talk to me or not...

It's not important..

It's not essential...

I am meant to be met...

When all chores are done...

When the party is over...

When facebooking comes to an

End..

When they are fade up of reading...

And roaming...

Here comes the turn of a" last priority"...

I am the "last priority"

My turn comes 

When they are tired...

I am talked to, just seen And then thrown away... 

I know my place...

I know my worth...

I am none other then the "last priority"

I mean nothing nor my say...

I am useless and a dump...

Non negotiable thing...

A statue with a soul inside..

I am the last priority...

Their life will go on without me...

They just remember me

When they are bored...

When nothing's left to entertain them...

Here i come..

"The last priority "

"The last priority" ...

"I am Sahar" - The call from her grave

Hello All!

I am Sahar…

The one you heard of, in the newspaper

three, two

Oh I forget

2 weeks ago..

So fool of me..

There is no calendar in the grave…

So meet me…

I am Sahar…

The 6 year old girl…

abducted, molested, tortured and killed…

thrown in the garbage…

I am Sahar…

Mommy's little princess…

Daddy's favourite…

My home was small…

yet cozy…

It had a garden…

and a rose plant too…

I loved roses…

They smell pretty good…

On Eid day I got dressed in my light blue outfit..

Mommy brought me Mehndi and bangles too…

She put the mehndi on my hands…

Putting all the bangles one by one…

loving and hugging me…

saying that I look so beautiful…

On Eid day,

Dad asked me to pose in front of my favourite rose plant…

He snapped my photo…

He don't know how to capture photo…

You know why?

because he clicked the shot and i dint say cheese

and looking at my lil bro…

I never knew that photo will go viral on net…

after my death..

I am Sahar…

the same you stand for….

one day I was playing outside…

They came…

The cruel strangers…

They put their hands on my mouth

to keep me silent..

I shouted…

I resisted …

calling for my mom…

I yelled for help..

I shouted for my father…

They took me away...

It was cold there…

My knees were hurt…

My small tender hands were frozen…

pushing them away but they were powerful...

Their grip was so tight…

hurting me and I was unable to move…

No one was listening to me in this big world…

I was thrown in front of wild beasts..

They were not human…

They slit my throat

and tears flew from my eyes…

I couldn't see anything….

Everything went pitch dark…

When I woke up I was in a garbage tub…

my tears..

The blood from my throat were dried up…

My injured knees and slaughtered neck were not hurting…

I was light yet frightened…

Looking my way to home…

when they found me…

It was police and my parents…

a crowd wanting to know what happened?

They were all saying" She is dead."

Were they talking about me?

No I am not dead…

They have found me and now I will go to mommy…

I will eat the delicious food she cooked..

and will sleep in her lap..

I will complain to my dad what they have done to me?

I am not dead..

But they are right..

They just buried me ...

six feet below the ground..

I can hear my parent's crying…

I can sense my brother's loneliness…

Yes, I am sahar…

The one lying in the cold graveyard..

in the chilling weather…

all alone…

seen her Eid Photo in the newspaper…

It was a good photo…

I am asking the question" What was my crime?"

I am finding myself ignorant of my sins…

I am Sahar..

Get me Justice…

Answer my question…

I am sahar…

Believing that I am dead now…

Sahar and her favourite Rose plant.

The dead flower of Love

Feeling Nothing…

Nothing at all…

I am blank and so broken…

holding the pieces of my heart…

I wonder what will I do with them?

I feel suffocated…

A story…

Thousands of words…

those emotions and 

all my resentments are untold…

My heart filled with love 

is now occupied…

occupied with pain and fear…

I know fear and love 

can't live together…

There was a flower in my heart…

The beautiful flower of love…

It blossomed day by day…

Its fragrance was enchanting…

I saw that flower drying up..

I saw the fading of its colours…

I saw it dying bit by bit

and day by day...

and one day it dried forever…

A pain resides deep in to my soul…

Mourning the death of the flower of Love...

I can feel nothing now..

the heart is beating 

but its lifeless for sure…

I am smiling for the world…

but deep inside..

my heart, my soul and my existence

are dissolved in silence…

They are mummified…

They are feeling nothing…

The constant pain resides forever…

in each breath…each heart beat…

Trapped

It seems like 

I am trapped…

among four walls…

among people who don't understand me…

I feel like alien…

Alien with strange thoughts

and I feel very suffocated..

I feel my heart clinched…

I remember the old days…

when I was free…

surrounded by friends and loved ones….

the days were joyful…

the nights were peaceful…

being loved and cherished….

I was happy…

Now I am injured…

like a injured bird…

very thirsty and hungry…

A bird trying to fly..

but  can't …

Her wings are broken

and her urge is cut down….

I see all the roads block…

no where to go…

no one to meet…

empty rooms and buildings….

The leaves are blowing with wind…

they are dry and below my feet….

asking for death…

I see some people…

they are deaf and blind towards me…

I can speak to them…

but they are not hearing me….

my heart bleeds and its dying…

I am all alone in this big world…

no way to escape…

no place to hide…

I am bird trapped in a cage….

seeing strangers…

Trapped away I am….

Missing my Nest…

Don't know where it is….

Don't know where it is…