The dead flower of Love

Feeling Nothing…

Nothing at all…

I am blank and so broken…

holding the pieces of my heart…

I wonder what will I do with them?

I feel suffocated…

A story…

Thousands of words…

those emotions and 

all my resentments are untold…

My heart filled with love 

is now occupied…

occupied with pain and fear…

I know fear and love 

can't live together…

There was a flower in my heart…

The beautiful flower of love…

It blossomed day by day…

Its fragrance was enchanting…

I saw that flower drying up..

I saw the fading of its colours…

I saw it dying bit by bit

and day by day...

and one day it dried forever…

A pain resides deep in to my soul…

Mourning the death of the flower of Love...

I can feel nothing now..

the heart is beating 

but its lifeless for sure…

I am smiling for the world…

but deep inside..

my heart, my soul and my existence

are dissolved in silence…

They are mummified…

They are feeling nothing…

The constant pain resides forever…

in each breath…each heart beat…

Trapped

It seems like 

I am trapped…

among four walls…

among people who don't understand me…

I feel like alien…

Alien with strange thoughts

and I feel very suffocated..

I feel my heart clinched…

I remember the old days…

when I was free…

surrounded by friends and loved ones….

the days were joyful…

the nights were peaceful…

being loved and cherished….

I was happy…

Now I am injured…

like a injured bird…

very thirsty and hungry…

A bird trying to fly..

but  can't …

Her wings are broken

and her urge is cut down….

I see all the roads block…

no where to go…

no one to meet…

empty rooms and buildings….

The leaves are blowing with wind…

they are dry and below my feet….

asking for death…

I see some people…

they are deaf and blind towards me…

I can speak to them…

but they are not hearing me….

my heart bleeds and its dying…

I am all alone in this big world…

no way to escape…

no place to hide…

I am bird trapped in a cage….

seeing strangers…

Trapped away I am….

Missing my Nest…

Don't know where it is….

Don't know where it is…

Like they have never knew me

I am scared...

I want to scream 

but can't…

I want to cry but can't….

I want to go away but can't …

My heart is grasped …

it feels like its held in jar..

the air tight one …

I am cornered…

my hair locks are waving in the air…

They ask me " Are they free to wave?"

"Are they free to meet the air?"..

I look at them having no answer…

my existence is caught in a well..

I am horrified…

My heart is beating

but not living….

I feel lost and scattered…

broken away in pieces…

I forgot to smile…

My lips are ignorant to them now…

I can feel my breath..

they come to me in intervals…

There is a heavy thing on my chest..

I can't lift it anymore…

When I pass among graves…

I am attracted to them…

I praise the peace the dead have…

how peaceful they are Saima!

They have no heart to break…

They have nothing to expect…

lets die…

I am scared…

Lets die..

I am done…

Lets die…

Let them miss us

who took us for granted..

I am trying and trying

to hide …

my smiles becomes transparent 

they can't hide me anymore…

I am sacred…

They will see and then throw me away…

like they have never knew me…

like they have never knew me...

Love is a drug...

Love is a drug..

indeed a dangerous one with no cure…

Love is addictive ..

It flows in your blood…

every breath scented with its fragrance…

Love is sacrifice…

Love is toxic…

Love gives life 

and snatches it too..

Love is non curable…

Love is addiction…

It makes you so desperate…

wanting to see the sight of your beloved..

to hear their voice, to see them smile and 

Talk..

again and again and thousand times…

Love brings those tears in your eyes..

when they take his name…

Love makes you keen and curious 

to know him more and more…

about their days and nights...

Love makes you tender…

It swallows the pride and the ego..

and you loss for them..

to make them happy and content…

Love gives strength but its a weakness too…

This Love lives in my heart….

deep and so deep inside..

fasten to strings of my existence….

I bear, I crawl, I sleep, I cry, I miss

I laugh and I love..

I LOVE HIM and forever...

To make you Happy...

To Make you Happy I Talk..
But if it makes you unhappy…
I won't talk..
I will seal my lips and keep silence…
If my silence can make you happy..
I can remain silent forever…
Your happiness is all I want…
even if its on the cost of my voice…

I can't pretend !!!

When I look at the world I see lots of people who have two faces. They hate but they show that they love. They are haters in the cloths of lovers. Disguise at its best. They show their face which is acceptable to the world. That type of people are very desperate to fit in to this world who won't ask your name if you don't have a cent in your pockets. The world is cruel and full of colours. Colors of violence and love in between, the angels and evils living all together. Fortunately their is no mark of what people's thinking and their hearts on thier foreheads else the two faced people would be killed long ago.

I am amazed and so astonished that how can a person hide his feeling and pretend to be something that he is not?. Don't he feel suffocated? Don't he feel buried under the burden of fake off feelings? 

Off course they are under burden. They are over loaded with people's expectations and desires, likes and dislikes. 

To show the world how you feel really requires courage. They may call you blunt, rigid, uncivilised and undiplomatic, a social nerd but at the end of the day when you sleep you will feel happy of expressing yourself. 

I believe crying for real is much better from fake laughter. In the same way honest hatred is far better then pretended love. 

I love to follow my heart. I cry and cry deeper when I need to cleanse myself. I laugh and laugh when I want to celebrate the blessings I am granted. I always try to show what I feel? 

When I say " I love you" it surely means that I said with every ounce of courage I had and with all my heart. When I say " I like you" it definitely means I do like you with all my soul and sights. 

When I am distant, when you don't hear me it probably means that I had left you or may be you had left me earlier. I dint pretend… I dint Pretend...

Loneliness Forever

I am talking to myself…

I am talking to the self 

where no body likes me…'

no body loves me…

I am left alone like a stand alone tree 

on a barren island…

I loved people…

I liked them but what happened to them…

I feel at mercy of them…

I feel like a dislikable  person….

I I served them and helped them..

not to like me but not to at least hate me…

but they hate me like a hate able creature…

they pushed me into the state where

i no longer love to laugh or talk…

I feel isolated and disowned…

I feel alone and very alone….

whom can i talk to?

whom can i rely on?

i feel cold and abandon…

stuck and worried…

suffocated and alone..

very alone...